Monday, June 30, 2008
US Weekly is (was) perfect in every way. It has all the celebrity gossip that one could ask for and it can be read in under 20 minutes. I never realized how necessary this was, until I had my son. There I was home with my new baby, completely disconnected from the outside world. Disconnected from my single friends, disconnected from the world of Reese, Angelina, Jen, and Nicole. Every Friday I would hear that click of the mail being dropped in the mailbox and I would pull on my robe, tie back my greasy hair and walk (run) to the front of my house tearing through the piles of catalogs, searching for that beautiful glossy cover. All at once I was connected to a world of A-list events, perfectly coiffed hair and beautifully made up faces. Sure I would still read (skim) the other mags that I had religiously subscribed to. But when that Fall Vogue (670 pages) hit my doorstep, I knew those days had passed. So there I was, in between feedings, feeling alive, connected...almost human. It was quick, it was dirty, it was heaven.
That was then. What has happened to my beloved? Where have you gone? Why oh why has Heidi Montag been on the cover of your magazine 3 times in the past three months. Hey, I love the Hills as much as the next girl, but can Heidi really be considered a celebrity? On what planet? Mario Lopez? Who are you? Why do I care that you and your girlfriend from that dancing show broke up? And for that matter why do I care that she got a nose job? Zach Morris doesn't even care.
This week was the pinnacle of all things D-List. Page 2 Cat Deeley from So You Think You Can Dance? Brooke Hogan on the Cover? Page 4 Aubrey O'day from Danity Kane? Page 6 Bethenny Frankel from The Real Housewives from NYC? This is where I stopped reading. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE. WHY DO I CARE WHAT THEY ARE DOING? What is this, the Star, or In Touch Weekly?
Stay tuned, the way things are going you may soon see Yummy Mummy of Diary of a Yummy Mummy on page 10.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Ok.........so, um............ok, here it is. Deep breath. I................used to be a GEEK.
Now I know what you are thinking, everyone says that. I know this. If I have listen to one more celebrity talk about what a dork they were in high school I am going to gag. Especially when said celebrity then has a picture flash on the screen of them wearing their perfect Guess jeans, with their beautiful teased blonde hair, and their pink Reebok high-tops that only the popular girls would wear.
I am not that girl. Not even close. I was a GEEK. I had tight permed hair that was shaped like an afro courtesy of the J.C. Penny salon (I went in asking to look like Kelly McGillis from Top Gun.) I weighed all of 50 pounds soaking wet, in 8th grade! I sucked my fingers until I was 12 (of course in front of other people). And the worst of it. I ate glue. A lot of glue. Now you have it, I was THAT kid. The kid you all laughed at, the kid no one would be friends with except for all the other freaks. Yes, THAT kid.
By the grace of god my mother remarried and I was able to escape the horror. I moved to a new town, let the hair grow, began to copy the latest fashions in my Seventeen magazine. You know the drill, the whole Nicole Richie makeover.
As fate was have it I ended up going to law school with a kid who was from my sleepy Colorado town. We became great friends and now he is marrying another girl from our town. So next week I fly back to the city of my birth to face down all those kids who still remember me as the girl with the tight perm.
Rest assured I am prepared. I have my highlights in perfect form, and my nails will be perfectly polished. I have spent more time, and money on my wedding/ rehearsal dinner outfits than I did for my own wedding. And after a decade of counseling I am ready....I think.
I of course will fill you in on all the happenings, but until then cross your fingers for me. While you are at it cross your toes too? Us geeks need to stick together.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I constantly and continuously lust after various material items.
When I say lust, this is not just your typical, "oh I like that." Or, "Maybe I'll buy that when it goes on sale." When I want something, I want it. I dream of it. My every thought is consumed by it. I imagine what it would be like to have it. I put pictures around the house so my husband will "accidentally" stumble upon it (I find that the milk carton is a prime spot, and his razor also works well.) I also try to use it in daily conversation just in case the picture on his pillow wasn't enough of a hint.
Lusting after something is a commitment. I have never found any wish to be instantaneously fulfilled. However, I have found that sometimes if you wish hard enough, prince charming will eventually come through (i.e. see Birkin countdown.)
Here are a few other items that I am now imagining myself wearing right now.
Can't you just picture how fabulous I'll look when I'm saying all those Hail Marys?
1) Hot Chanel Necklace
2) Fab Burberry Trench
3) Amazing Herve Leger Bandage Dress
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Kermit may have said it best, "It's not easy being green." Luckily we now live in a time where it has become much easier to be green.
I first must add a disclaimer, I am married to a CRAZY environmentalist. When I say crazy, I mean crazy. Takeout from your local restaurant? Never, "they use disposable containers." Getting 48.5 miles to the gallon in my Prius. Not good enough, "if you drive slower you can get 50," he says. You get the general idea. While he can definitely be described as a little (a lot) extreme, some of what he says has rubbed off. It's only fair that if we are going to keep bringing little ones into the world, we should be doing something to protect our environment and help keep it clean.
Here are a few of my favorite green things.
1) Anything Seventh Generation.
I love this company. It is so easy to get their products. They are not that expensive, and you can read on the back of the bottle about what a difference you are making by purchasing that single item. Instant karma I call it. The household products are great because they are vegetable based and not petroleum or chemical based. My little guy loves to lick the floor (don't ask), so this is a double bonus for me!
There is a caveat with the diapers, however. I have found that the newborn diapers are not that absorbent and I ended up using pampers. Also when the little one begins to crawl, the sides are not that tight. Once they are upright they are good to go again! Also this is NOT a good overnight diaper. Stick with the heavy duty absorbency for those nighttime blowouts. Really, who needs more laundry, and think of the waste of water.
2) Rechargeable Batteries.
Toys suck up batteries like nobody's business. It's only fair that you use rechargeable batteries. Luckily this will save you money in the long run, and you will never have your swing run out of batteries in the middle of that afternoon nap (I've been there and can recount the horror for you.) Also make sure to recycle those old standard batteries. Any Whole Foods will have a drop off bin.
3) Buy Organic Food.
Beyond the fact that this is better for the environment, do you really want to be the person who asks your baby, "honey, would you like some pesticide with that blueberry?" Nuff said.
4) Buy Wood Toys.
I know this isn't great for the trees, but do you know how much petroleum it takes to make that exersaucer??? Haba makes great toys and it will help to keep your house from looking like a day care center.
With these simple tips you too can be the greenest yummiest mummy on the block.
Does this shade of green match my nail polish???
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
For the yummy mummy the stroller has become the must have item. From the day you find out your are pregnant, and only dream of all things baby, and the stroller is at the top of your lust list. I can still remember the day I saw my first Bugaboo. My friends had just found out they were pregnant and of course they rushed right out and bought a brand new Bugaboo frog. I remember seeing that big stroller in their tiny apartment. I remember the feel of the canvas, and kicking its sturdy wheels. I remember looking longingly through the accessories book, deciding whether or not I would buy the umbrella, and/or the foot muff. I remember how cute it looked with the bassinet feature attached, and I imagined what it would be like to walk up and down Newbury with a little one tucked inside. Luckily, my time came soon thereafter. Almost immediately after I saw those two pink lines indicating that I was indeed having a baby, I was placing my order for my very own Bugaboo. I brought that big brown box home, and spent the next 6 (yes 6) hours putting together that amazing machine.
Flash forward 10 months........the Bugaboo SUCKS! Yes I said it. It is big, and heavy, and bulky, and did you know THERE IS NO DOUBLE ATTACHMENT??? What are you supposed to do when that second little bundle of joy comes along. Everyone immediately mentions the skateboard attachment. Oh yea, I know a million 2 year olds who would be more than happy to stand all day at the back of a stroller. I don't think so!!!!!!
Needless to say when I found out that the hottest double stroller, the Phil and Ted, starts as a single, I may have shed a few tears. Why didn't anyone tell me this? ????? It's half the price, and will last twice as long.
Now I know some of you will miss those looks from the other mommies who are eying up your Bugaboo, but for the money you saved you can stomp right pass them in your new Louboutins and laugh.
Monday, June 23, 2008
What these girls don't realize is that having a baby is Hard Work. I'm 29, and there are days when I don't think I'm cut out for this. Yesterday one of my friends said, "wow having a baby is like a full time job!" Yes, a job that lasts 24 hours a day, seven days a week, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. A job where you are a nurse, counselor, chef, trash man, teacher, singer, constant entertainer....the list goes on and on.
NBC seems to be picking up on this general idea and Wednesday the Baby Borrowers premiers. I'll be tuning in to see just how "real" this reality show is.
So good luck Ashlee, Nicole, and the dozen or so other young starlets that just can wait to play house. I have to run now..........the baby is crying.
Friday, June 20, 2008
All new moms think, "how is it possible that I have the cutest baby ever?" We must be genetically programed to think that, otherwise what would separate us from the wolves? I fall into this category, BIG TIME. While all babies have some cuteness in them, you know you always think, my baby is better. It is only now that I look back at the pictures of his monkey hair, crazy baby acne, and smooshed little face, that I begin to wonder.....what was I drinking????
Thursday, June 19, 2008
So I had my first date when I was 12, he was 14 and was the most handsome boy I had ever seen in my young adolescent life. We went to a movie, of course driven by our parents, and proceeded to have long phone calls (in fact we broke the record one night talking for over 8 hours) for the rest of the summer. Surprisingly we became great friends and as most friendships go we eventually lost touch. Thanks to the *magic* of facebook we have reconnected and I found out he wrote the cutest children's book ever. Check it out if you are looking for a new bedtime story for your little ones.
I love shoes. Not so much in a Carrie Bradshaw sort of way. I mean really, who is going to run through the streets of Manhattan in an ankle boot with a six inch heel, in the snow, in their pajamas, on new years eve? Beyond the comfort issue, what mom is even up at midnight??? Ok, I digress....clearly I am also a fan of the sex in the city movie (hereinafter referred to as "Best Movie Ever").
Anywhoo, I love shoes...here are a few of my recent acquisitions.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I'm married to a handsome young doctor who is very ambitious (meaning he works A LOT), and I used to be a lawyer, (locking up the rif raf and such.) I now spend my days with other yummy mummies at the gym, park, lunch, and music classes, all the the places that you would expect to find a bunch of women who are basking in the glow of motherhood, while at the same time trying to keep their eyes open after a rough nights sleep feeding a grouchy infant. I work as a consultant from home two days a week, but this is temporary and right now I am unsure of what is next for me career wise. Right now I am happy, and very busy, taking care of my beautiful baby boy, ad for the first time in my life I have no real plan for the future.