Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!!!! 

This year my little man decided that he just had to have two pumpkins. I was under strict instructions that one had to be funny, and that one had to be really, really scary. 

When we were done I realized that the funny one greatly resembled my little man. 

When I mentioned this to him, he informed me that the other one looked a lot like "Mommy."

I'm hoping that had something to do with those damn hormones these last few weeks, and not just a general idea of how scary mommy typically looks ;).

I hope you all have a fun and SAFE night! We are going to be searching for some tricks and treats over in Beacon Hill tonight, and I'll post any good pictures tomorrow.

For now I'm off to scare the neighborhood kids with my "scary mommy" face.

MUAH AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Pregnant!... for at least two weeks.

Thanks to my new best friend Gatorade, amazingly I was able to make a full turnaround yesterday, and today I was able to have my little bean (the LB) transferred. Everything went great and the embryo that we chose was as perfect as it gets (8 cells, A quality for those in the know.) Since I am a chronic over sharer, of course I was able to get a few shots to share with you.

Here is the LB in his/her first "baby" photo.

And here is proof that for the next 12 days I am pregnant! (technically) 
The little white spot in the center is the embryo in the uterus.

So now we just cross our fingers and wait. Our blood test is November 9th, and I only have to stay off my feet until Sunday, so things really couldn't be better. Thank goodness for small miracles.

Come on little bean, burrow, burrow, burrow!

Don't Be Disappointed.

My doctor called today to talk about the hyper-stim situation. She is demanding that we do an ultrasound prior to our transfer tomorrow to check my fluid levels. This will determine if we can go forward with the procedure as planned.

I have been ordered not to leave my sofa and to drink at least 180oz of gatorade (a task not so easily accomplished) for the rest of the day and all of tomorrow. She assured me that she has seen people turn this around completely, but that I shouldn't get my hopes up too high. In short, don't be disappointed.

So there you have it. Tomorrow we go in and see what will happen. Today I will act like a sloth and drink, drink, drink, drink.

I plan on being part of the group that "turns it around" so she better be ready to put one of those babies in me. It's game time.


“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
 ~Jonathan Swift 

Room With a View.

Last night/ this morning my good friend hypersim decided to show up, and once again I am banished to my bedroom (err the sofa). It is unclear how long this will last, and I am counting my blessings that I have my MIL here to help with my little man. I have essentially been on bed rest for about 12 hours, and already I feel like I am losing my mind. I feel so badly for anyone who has to do this for the long haul and my desire to get off the sofa is only deterred by the excruciating pain that I feel when I get up an walk around. So it looks like I may be here for awhile. Ugh. We are still going forward with the transfer on Thursday, and I am hoping that I will be back on my feet in time for some trick or treating with my soon to be little fireman.

At least I can't complain about the view from my living room. Right now the sun is shining, the kids are playing outside, and the trees couldn't be more beautiful right now. This is why I love living in New England. I keep reminding myself that in the end this will all be completely worth it, and this time next year I could have a little baby in my arms enjoying this room with a view.

There is Nothing Like The Smell of an Egg Retrieval in the Morning.

5-8 eggies scheduled to come out at 10am today.

I imagine that I will be sooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired from the medication, but if I am "with it" I'll report back later.

I'll leave you with the number one reason why I love having a three year old (vs an < 3 year old.)

Me: Sweets. would you like some orange juice?
LM: Yes, please! Thank you so much for asking me!

Um, melt.

UPDATE: 21 eggs out, feeling 100% better than the last time. I might not make babies but I sure as hell make eggs. Embryo going back in Thursday.

Friday Blah.

Blah.

That's pretty much the only way to describe my mood today. This week will definitely go down in the suck category for me. I wish I could blame it all on the hormones (which are about 50% of the problem) but other parts of my life have been equally annoying. It started Monday with a moth infestation in my kitchen, coupled with a kid with a fever. Tuesday brought on more injections, more doctor appointments, and more of the same on Wednesday. The LM had a rough week again at school, and after a meeting with the director yesterday we have been advised to take him to an occupational therapist to have a look at his impulsivity and physicality. Ugh, there is nothing worse than hearing that your kid may or may not have a problem. After feeling like the mother failure of the year, I had an awkward encounter with an old friend last night which luckily did not deter a great reunion with some of my old peeps which was long overdue. Today, I am feeling the effects of a great night, but definitely regretting that last glass (ahem five glasses) of Malbec that somehow made their way into my bottomless glass. Today, I also got some so so news on the IVF front. We still have quite a few, about 7/8, but they are still pretty small and taking their sweet time growing. Retrieval now looks like it is Monday or Tuesday, and if these babies don't get in gear we may only have a few viable eggs. This is great for the hyperstimulation, but not so great considering we want as many as possible to freeze in case this cycle doesn't work out. More waiting, and watching, which means more injections and trips to the doctor. 

Did I say blah?

Well, at least the weekend is here and it's bound to be better. My mother-in-law is arriving at the airport any minute, the The Head of the Charles is here (my favorite Cambridge event), and tomorrow I am going to attempt to play matchmaker for some very dear friends of mine. 

As I was trying to figure out what to write today I stumbled upon this picture. Since I pretty much feel like an evil bitch on the inside, can't I just look like this evil bitch on the outside. No? Oh well, a girl can dream.

Source

1) This picture totally makes me want to have short hair again, 2) if I had that Birkin it would totally be strapped into the LM's baby seat, 3) those legs + that skirt + the shoes = perfection, 4) there is no way in hell she is riding that bike wearing that.

Hope you all had a better week than I did... at least it's about to be over!

You Big Nerd.

Ever since my little sister picked up a pair of "nerd" glasses this Summer, I have been mildly obsessed with this trendy look. Okay, I've actually been majorly obsessed, and last week I used my remaining flex points to pick up a pair of geeky glasses for myself. I wore them around town with pride yesterday, although I was feeling pretty unsure if I was ready for such a statement look, and when my husband came home and referred to me as "waldo" I began to question whether or not I have the confidence to pull off such a style. My sister says it is a look you just have to own, and after seeing these über fashionable women (and one man/boy,) I decided that this is one trend that I am definitely not going to give up on.

For me it is all about the chic, with a little of the geek.

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

When I'm feeling brave enough I promise I'll post a pic of my new specs . :)

What Exactly Are You Doing?

Over the past few weeks I've been getting a lot of questions about what exactly is is that we are doing with this whole In Vitro Fertilization thing (take two?) These have come from friends, family members, and from some of you wonderful readers. You asked, so I'll answer... here is the quick and dirty of what IVF is (as told by me, using my understanding of what is going on, in no way insinuating that I am an expert/ medical professional.) Also, as requested, I will end this post with a quick update on where we are at in the process now.

• The process begins by trying to stimulate as many follicles as possible turning them into viable eggs. Typically only one egg is created per cycle.
• This is done using synthetic gonadotropins, which are injected daily, at varying dosages, with a goal of maturing as many follicles as possible, without overly stimulating them to avoid hyperstimulation. 
• During the period that the injections are being administered, daily, I am also undergoing blood work and ultrasounds to keep tabs on what is happening in the ovaries, and what the hormone levels are. The ultrasound detects how many follicles are growing, and what size they are. The blood work tells them if you get too close to ovulating naturally, so you can administer another set of injections to keep this from happening prematurely.
• Once the lead follicle reaches about 17 or 18mm a trigger shot is given. Exactly 36 hours from the trigger the follicles are retrieved. 
• At retrieval, general anesthesia is given and I am out for about 30 minutes to an hour. The retrieval is done in a hospital like setting and simultaneously, my hubby is (ahem depositing) his sperm in another part of the building, and after the eggs are retrieved (last time I had 17) they are then joined with the sperm to create embryos (hopefully.) 
• At this time I am able to leave the center, and 3 or 5 days later we return to have the desired amount of embryos placed back in my uterus (for us this number is always 1.) The decision to wait 3 or 5 days is one that is carefully made with your doctor, and there are major pros and cons to each choice. Last time we waited until day 5 to implant what ultimately was a frozen embryo. At day 3, we had 6 fertilized embryos, but our doctor thought that if we waited to transfer a day 5 embryo we would have had a much higher chance of implantation. Well, we didn't which is why we are now back to square one, which is why this time around we will definitely transfer 1 embryo at day 3, and freeze the rest for possible later use. (Later as in, we didn't conceive this time, not later we want a baby #3.)
• After the transfer you anxiously wait 2 weeks for a blood test to determine if you are a knocked up lady or not. This, for me, was the worst part of the whole process.

I get asked a lot if it hurts. It doesn't hurt per-se, it is just very uncomfortable towards the end. I feel very full all the time, and as the follicles grow there is a lot more pressure. I don't mind the injections, and I have found, this time around, that I like doing them better myself. To be honest the repeated doctor visits are what I find way worse. For me, the hardest part is the anxiety over whether or not I will hyperstimulate like last time. We have already decided that no matter what we will be transferring a live embryo (vs frozen) so I am either going to have a lot of pain, and bed rest, or everything will be gravy. This is still TBD. Of course, my biggest concern with this is childcare, but luckily this time around my saint of a mother-in-law (cue the heavens) is coming in with a one way ticket on Friday. Can you say sigh of relief?

Today I went in and we have 7 follicles that measure 13mm, and 29 that are still babies. We are hoping for 12 to get to 18mm. This would be just enough to ensure a good number of embryos, but not too many to cause as many problems as last time. It's a delicate balance, and I just hope this time it works in our favor. So, that is where we are at now, just waiting to see what happens.

Obviously, I will keep you updated as things progress. There will likely not be any action until the end of the weekend.

I hope I didn't bore you all too much, but you asked.... ;)

Is This What I Have To Look Forward To?

Last night I was at the park with the Little Man and a 5 year old girl from our neighborhood. The kids were having a blast, so when her mother asked if I wanted to stay out awhile longer with the kids while she went and made dinner. I, of course, obliged, and within seconds of her mother leaving she said the following (in a way that only 5 year old girls can,)

"Did you know that my mom is sooooo much older than my dad?"

"Really," I said, "I didn't know that."

"Yeah.... like a lot older."

"Oh, I doubt that how old is she?" I carefully asked.

"Hmmmmm, she thought for a while, I'm not really sure and but my dad is like your age, and she is older than that."

"How old do you think I am?"

"Like at least 20," she ever so sweetly stated.

"You would be wrong," I said, I am over THIRTY... that's pretty old."

She thought again, "well, my mom has lots of grey hair and colors it up all the time... so she is REALLY old."

Speechless....

Then a few minutes later while discussing with the LM how he would be a bigger boy if he went in the potty like her rather than in his diapers,

"I am really jealous of boys?"

"Why's that?" I inquired.

"Because they can pee standing up."

"To be honest," I told her, "I too am a bit jealous of that."

"My brother, " she said while getting really excited, "he pees while he holds his penis."

"Yes, that's how most boys do it," I said.

"I've seen it she yelled, "and it's really small."

Again speechless.

Seriously, is this what we have to look forward to in a few years, this no holds barred, blatantly honest oversharing? Will every detail of our private life be open every mother on the playground????

Please,  please, please..... say it isn't so*.

*Said by the mother who shares all of our intimate details on the internet... hmmmmm, here's to hoping payback isn't too much of a bitch.

Happy weekend my friends.

Reporting For Duty.

I have to admit, ever since I saw the Balmain military jacket (pictured on the left) I have been slightly obsessed. If ever there was a statement jacket that would really "make a statement," this is that jacket. Let's be honest though, at a ridiculous 11,000$, the jacket is just too much, and not only in a monetary way. I mean can you imagine me walking down the street to pick the little man up from school wearing that get up, even of you were crazy enough to pay the insanely high price tag (and you would have to be KRAZY to pay that?) Yeah, I don't think so. Yes, this is just another piece best suited for the celebrities. Well, just because I can't pull it off (in more ways than one) doesn't mean I have stopped dreaming about this piece, which is why I was so excited when I saw that J.Crew had managed to come up with a fairly decent Balmain(ish) inspired knockoff. At a fraction (move the decimal point about 4 spots) of the price this piece is not only MUCH more affordable, but also much more wearable.

(Almost) all the flash for not a lot of cash!

Right now you can get all women's clothes for 20% off, which even more of a reason to covet this look.

Yummy Mummy, reporting for duty!

She Bangs.

I swear it's like clockwork around here, every time the weather starts to drop a few degrees and the leaves begin to fall, I decide I want bangs. No, not want, but need bangs. I realize that these things have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with each other, but for some reason in my twisted mind the two go hand in hand. The question always is what kind of bangs? Blunt, side swept, wispy, straight. There are so many options, and as you can see below, if you look like a celebrity you can pull off almost any style.

Alas, the conclusion that I come to every year is that, sadly, I don't look like a celebrity, and thus I look terrible in bangs (hats too.) Add in the fact that after the "bang disaster of 2006" (a real event) I pinky-swore with my hairdresser that no matter how much I begged, pleaded, and cried, he would never, never, I repeat, NEVER, allow me to force him to give me bangs, I think that sadly my banging days are far behind me.

Clearly, that hasn't stopped me from longing and lusting for that "perfect" fall bang, so here is some bang porn for the rest of you.... just because I can't do it doesn't mean I want to ruin the party for everyone else.

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

Source

In my next life.....

Little Man, Big Ramp.

The other night after swimming my husband had the *genius* idea to let the little man explore the (virtually) empty parking lot on his scooter. Here is what happens when you combine a fearless little man and a big ramp. Don't let the footed jammies fool you, this kid means business reaching speeds of about 20 mph.

Where Do Babies Come From?

In this house? Well, let's just hope they come from somewhere in here:

Oh, it's going to be a fun couple of weeks.

Of course, I'll keep you posted with all the newsworthy details.

Before and After Inspiration.

I don't know about you, but there is nothing that I find more inspiring than some great Before and After shots for design inspiration. This week I have found myself on a bit of a decorating/ furniture buying bender, and these breathtaking makeovers have provided me with the desire to incorporate some of these simple (and awe worthy) makeovers into my own home. I am always amazed with how creative some people can be, and thanks to these fabulous design blogs, I am hoping that I too can beg, borrow, steal some of these phenomenal ideas.

These are from Design Sponge:

And these are from (my *favorite* site) Ohdeedoh:

I hoping very soon I can share with you some of my very own awe worthy before and after pictures!

Happy weekend my friends!

The Bully Project.

A friend of mine sent me a link to this project. I find this topic to be so heartbreaking and in the wake of recent events, so unbelievably relevant. This movie, once completed, seems like a phenomenal way to open the dialog with your children regarding just how destructive bullying can be. The synopsis is as follows, and there is a link to the trailer below.

This year, over 18 million American kids will be bullied at school, online, on the bus, at home, through their cell phones and on the streets of their towns, making it the most common form of violence young people in this country experience.
The Bully Project is the first feature documentary film to show how we’ve all been affected by bullying, whether we’ve been victims, perpetrators or stood silent witness. The world we inhabit as adults begins on the playground. The Bully Project opens on the first day of school. For the more than 5 million kids who’ll be bullied this year in the United States, it’s a day filled with more anxiety and foreboding than excitement. As the sun rises and school busses across the country overflow with backpacks, brass instruments and the rambunctious sounds of raging hormones, this is a ride into the unknown. For a lot of kids, the only thing that’s certain is that this year, like every other, bullying will be a big part of whatever meets them at their school’s front doors.


Every school in the U.S. is grappling with bullying—each day more than 160,000 kids across the country are absent because they’re afraid of being bullied—but for many districts it’s just one more problem that gets swept under the rug. With unprecedented access to elementary, middle and high schools across Sioux City, Iowa, The Bully Project will follow from the first day of school through the last, as students, teachers, coaches, principles and parents battle bullying in their district. In hallways, classrooms, busses, football practice and band rehearsals we’ll see where prevention programs end and the tough work of leadership begins. At West High, where no one is left on the sidelines during dances and the homecoming royalty challenge stereotypes of popularity, insisting, “Here, it’s cool to be nice,” we’ll show how a school’s culture can be transformed into a place where bullying isn’t tolerated, offering hope and a real model of change to schools who say it cannot be surmounted.


The Bully Project is a character-driven film. At its heart are those with the most at stake and whose stories each represent a different facet of this crisis. From the first day of school through the last, The Bully Project will intimately explore the lives of a few of the many courageous people bullying will touch this year.

I can't even imagine my perfect little boy being treated like that, or worse, treating someone else that way. I just hope that as adults we can put an end to this problem. From where I stand it starts with leading by example.

Waaaaaaaaaaa.

Source

It's freezing and raining out, and I'm home sicker than I have been in a long time. Can somebody please call the waaaaaambulence to save me from all of my whining?

Today I plan on spending the afternoon under the covers catching up on my trashy TV, all the while throwing my own pity party until I have to pick my little boy up from school.

Why is it that when it rains, it really does pour?


P.S. We had another good report from school yesterday, I've decided that either the teachers are lying, or that my little guy really has found a way to get with the program. Let's just hope it's the latter.

P.P.S. I can't actually believe what they play on TV in the middle of the day. There is a woman on Maury who has had 8 (yes, 8!) paternity tests for her two children, and the last guy is, still, NOT the father! How is that even possible, I mean you can only essentially get pregnant 2 days a month, eww and yuck.

P.P.P.S Is it wrong that I'm jealous that she has two kids?

 (Okay, CLEARLY I'm not thinking straight with all this cold medicine coursing through my veins... I'm just going to stop typing now.)

You Know Me Too Well.

Earlier today:

"I think I found a new way home," I said basically to myself, not realizing a set of ears was listening from the back.

"You're just going to get lost again," chirped a squeaky little voice from the car seat.

......... and I did. 

Oh Little Man, you know me too well.

Note to self: Ask Santa for a GPS.

PS: Thank you all for your awesome comments and suggestions. You have given me some great ideas (I love the ping pong balls in the fishbowl) and this morning I ordered some new stickers for the star chart. I also love the idea that some things are not rewards per se, but that they are things that naturally follow good behavior, i.e. the desert after dinner. Luckily, we had a great day at school yesterday, so hopefully soon they will be able to see the sweet little boy that I get the other 21 hours a day. If not, you have empowered me to take him on... he's only three right?I can totally do this (said while cowering in the corner.)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if all the moms parents banded together I'm pretty sure we could change the world! You guys are awesome co-parents, thank you again!

Are You a Carrot or a Stick?

Source

A few days ago I got into a discussion with a good friend of mine regarding how we/ I discipline our children. The conversation stemmed from my asking for advice after my little man had a rough few days at school and I realized about halfway through, that we just came from two very different point of views on this issue. My good friend was of the mindset that kids are supposed to act in a certain way, and when they don't it is your job as a parent to reinforce the rules. Her position was that the taking away of privileges and a basic "this is not allowed attitude" is all that is needed to essentially keep the little ones in line (that and a way to tune out all of the crying that will inevitably follow.)  While I agree in theory, I am finding that the practical implementation of this is concept, in my home, is a completely different story.

My question is when it comes to parenting/disciplining your child, do you have to either be a carrot or a stick, or is it possible to be both?

Admittedly, I am very much a carrot. I try to be tough with my Little Man, and for the most part I consider myself to be pretty consistent when it come to the taking away of privileges. The problem for us is two fold,

1) I am a bit of a softy, and
2) my Little Man doesn't respond well to negative reinforcement.

The softy part is very much my issue. I often find myself saying, "they're just kids, " or "he's only three," and I am pretty much in the mindset that as long as he isn't bothering anyone else, and/or hurting himself than he should have the ability to be a kid. This is why I rarely take him to restaurants, and if I do it is for pizza, or some other loud and kid friendly environment. I am often envious of my friends who are able to take their children out with them to a nice dinner without any issue, but I know my kid, and sitting still (and quiet) will never be his strong suit. I sometimes feel that living in a city there are so many more "rules" for safety's sake that I am a little more relaxed when it comes to things like playing with sticks, and rocks, and I really will let my boy attempt to climb anything. When we are together my Little Man pretty much follows my rules, the problem lies in when we are apart... hence the rough days at school, which leads me to number two.

My Little Man just doesn't respond well to negative reinforcement. I'm not sure if it is the way I raised him, because he is an active boy, or if it's just his personality, but I have found that the more resistance my guy feels the more he will dig his heels in. Like his mother (ahem and father) he is one stubborn little guy and no matter how "tough" I am on him, he will continue to push any any every boundary, just to see what will happen. The end result was never good, and somewhere along the way I found that my little guy just responds better to a reward based system. Things like, "if you are good at the gym, then we can go an pick out a lollipop," or "if you sit still while we are at mommy's doctor, then we can watch an extra George," all the way to, "if you don't get out of bed before your light comes on for the next 10 days, then you can get a new toy car." It doesn't matter for him the length of time or really the prize itself, it's just the having something to work for that seems to motivate him.

This rewarding feeds into one of my biggest concerns, as a parent, which is that I don't want to raise a spoiled child. I don't want to find myself in a situation where I am rewarding behavior that is expected. Things like going to bed, sleeping through the night, eating right, brushing teeth, etc, these things I have no problem enforcing. My issue is with the grey areas. Should a three year old be expected to completely follow the rules at a school, 5 afternoons a week? Should they be expected to follow all the rules, all the time? I often wonder if the expectations, set by either the parent or society, of how a child should act in this day in age are sometimes too high? If this is the case than at the end of the day, shouldn't there be a small treat or reward that comes with meeting those expectations. Or am I just a wuss (remember this is coming from someone who admits that they are a softy?)

I have to think that we as adults also respond better if there is a reward to work towards, be it a vacation, a raise, praise from a spouse or boss. I feel like being a toddler must be like being in a work environment where EVERY time you mess up, your boss comes in an either yells at you or takes away your phone/ computer (insert item you can''t live without here.) You would be miserable for sure, and who could blame you if you had a temper tantrum at the end of every day (either that or a serious ulcer.)  Is this a case of as my friend says, rewarding what is expected, thereby allowing for bad behavior, or it it just acknowledging that sometimes the carrot works better than the stick?

I would love to hear from you all, have you found a way to balance negative and positive reinforcements, or is it true that you really have to be in one camp or the other?

PS any insight on how to get my kid to stop acting up when he is at school would also be greatly appreciated... seriously I'll pay you ;)