I Don't See Any Other Choice.

Friday, January 15, 2010


Last night we made the decision to hold off our day five transfer until March, meaning any blastocysts that we have (I am still waiting on the number and praying for at least two) will be frozen and I have no hope or chance of getting pregnant for at least another 8 weeks. My doctor called me this morning to assure me that she was 100 percent in favor of my decision. Even now I'm not so sure. Yep, another bump in the road.

Long story long my hyperstimulation got pretty bad. I was on bed rest all week and went from being very uncomfortable to crying in pain and back. It went on like this until today when I finally woke up and felt somewhat like my old self again. I can finally walk the stairs without wincing in pain, and I was even able to take the LM to the bookstore. You have no idea how much of a difference a day truly made. In short I am almost back to my pre-retrieval self.

So why not go forward with the transfer you ask? The thing about hyperstimulation is that it never goes away, meaning that it we were to have a successful transfer of the embryos and I was pregnant, than I would again get sick. The kicker is that because hyperstimulation is estrogen controlled I would be ever worse than I was this week, for 8 whole weeks. This means months of bed rest and in the end I just didn't think it was fair to my little man to take away his Momma for so long. Had he not been in the picture I would have totally sucked it up and implanted, but obviously we don't have that option.

If we wait until March to do the transfer then I wont have the hyperstimulation and barring any other hiccup I should be able to have a completely "normal" and healthy pregnancy. Duh, right?Well, the problem is that in freezing my little blastocysts (120 cell embryos) there is not a 100 percent guarantee that they will survive, in fact it is 80. This means that theoretically if I only have 1 frozen and it doesn't survive, than in two months we will be in EXACTLY the same place we are now. We would have to do another round of injections, followed by another retrieval (where again I would be almost guaranteed to hyperstimulate) and then I would be looking a the same two months of bed rest and I will be kicking myself for having waited for months to again be faced with the exact same situation that I am in now. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

As I said I am currently waiting (aka climbing the walls) to see how many of my eggs made it to "blastocyst" status. If there are 2 I will know we absolutely made the right decision. If there is only one I sure as hell hope it's a strong one because I really need that baby to make it through the freeze.So that's it. I should be better in no time, my future spawn is on ice, and I'm looking forward to a significant amount of cocktails in Fiji, California, and Florida (the trips that I will be taking prior to the next implantation date.)

I'm still not sure if we made the right decision but really I don't see any other choice. I keep reminding myself that we are very lucky to have the LM and I am also very lucky to have my health. When you look at the devastation in Haiti and the tragic loss of life, how can I complain about a few extra months? So I won't. We are going to have to take what comes and not second guess ourselves. I will have this baby sooner rather than later. You hear that universe? I am going to have another baby so it's time you get with the program.


16 comments :

The Missus said...

You absolutely made the right decision. I think implanting now with the pain and everything else you have going on would have set you up for a very stressful first few months of pregnancy. It is better to wait.

And besides... If you implant in March... It would mean a "Christmas Baby". And who wouldn't want that?

Yummy Mummy said...

"Christmas Baby" hmmmm I never thought about that. I am so naming him Baby Jesus!

Thank you for your continued support. And we thought IVF was going to be the easy way huh?

Fuckers.

Grams said...

Some of the best advice I ever got was "When you must make a decision, make it using the best information you have right then. Then always assume that you made the right decision and move on." This advice has served me well for a long time and in many situations. I hope it will do the same for you. I know this must have been a difficult decision. But when you look at it over the 20+ years you'll be raising this child, what's a couple of months?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry things didn't go as you'd hope. Something to mull during your travels: Do you want another baby or do you want to be pregnant again?

Yummy Mummy said...

Grams, thank you... That is some very sound advice! I may have to go back and read that often!

Anon, I didn't love being pregnant the first time, in fact I borderline detested it. The reward is well worth it though. I can absolutely say the baby is what I'm after and since I can't steal one this is my best option.

Anonymous said...

you can't steal, but you can adopt.

Mama J said...

Big hugs to you. Grams is right... good advice.

Anonymous said...

You are one brave and strong Mommy. Hang in there and know that you're an inspiration for all those out there going through the same thing. And there are lots of people in similar situations out there. Sending you lots of positive energy.

-another anonymous

Bubby Makes Three said...

god, I've been there too... it is excruciating, the waiting game, to say the least. good luck with your blasties, may there be multiple good 'uns!

CTodd said...

You made the right decision. From the standpoint of someone who is suffering from OHSS after a successful IVF cycle, I can say that this end of it is NOT fun. I'm not quite as sick as you have been, but I have been severely (abnormally bloated) and short of breath since implantation. It had gotten worse right before my positive pregnancy test, but now it seems to have leveled off. Still bad, but not worsening as of now. Hard to sleep at night, hard to play with my 4 year old twins..... hard all around. If you can avoid this, I definitely agree that you should. Just think... if you have blasts to freeze, FETs are much easier on the body and you can actually enjoy the process instead of feel awful the whole time. Best of luck!

Lauren said...

It sounds like you made the right decision! This way, you can have a lot more fun on your vacations :) Happy Travels!

Anonymous said...

Yep. Welcome to IVF. It's tough. I'm at Harvard Vanguard and RSC in Lexington. My doctors tell me the freeze/thaw rate is only 50%. We have one frozen but will be doing a fresh cycle in the spring, since 1 frostie is not a good gamble. I've had 2 prior 3-day transfers, and I got pregnant both times. One was a miscarriage, the other was ectopic. It's been really tough. But it does work if you have the strength to stay the course, and the proper expectations ahead of time. Also, just a terminology note - you are going to "transfer" your embryos/blastocysts. "Implantation" is what you are crossing every single appendage you own in the hopes it will occur, and you are powerless to make it happen. Heal and Good luck!

Mom Daughter Style said...

I just came across your blog. I could relate to this. I did IVF, and frozen transfers before I conceived my baby girl who is now 1. I used to want 3-5 kids but now I think one is enough after infertility drained me, and after one miscarriage. I feel lucky to have a child.

Best of luck in your treatments. I hope this comment did not offend you in any way.

Julie Q said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everything will go great and fab in March, and now LM will have a couple extra months getting all your attention before the next baby is on board!

Anonymous said...

Haha, I overheard your discussion with your husband, it went a little something like, "You're sucking me dry with all your baby treatments, lying around the house whining like a dependent child for an $8000 handbag. I'm losing all our cash as you try for a daughter. In the meantime you ignore me in favor of the one healthy kid we already have. I'll be leaving you in two years."

Anonymous said...

I just asked my husband IVF specialist about hyperstim and he says it should only be uncomfortable for 2 to 4 weeks at the most. 8 weeks is just not very good management