Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Back To The Drawing Board.

Did you all hear the story about the girl who wanted to have a baby so bad that she literally injected a perfect embryo into her uterus? The punch line is that by even doing something that crazy she still wasn't able to get knocked up. The sad part of course is that this time the joke's on me.

I'm sure most of you saw yesterday that we learned that our first attempt at IVF was a giant failure. Obviously this is devastating news for us. I really was so convinced that it was going to work that I honestly never considered what it feel like if it didn't. In case there was any doubt it really, really, really sucked. What also really sucks is that now we have to wait two more months until we can start again. We have to take a one month "rest" break, and because we booked a trip to Costa Rica in June, naively thinking that this was going to work, we now have to wait until July for another go. I would bag the trip completely, but as my husband says, "we can't just stop living our lives." My response is we absolutely can, but I do get his point. The only thing that would be worse than not having another baby is sitting around waiting to have another baby and then not having said baby.

The problem is that of this waiting does not sit well with me. I seem to be lacking in the patience gene,  so I spent most of yesterday hatching a plan. I am 30 years old (for another two weeks), I have had a healthy baby the natural way, and there is technically nothing wrong with me, so I'm just going to say "screw you" to the IVF and have this baby on my own (with a little help from my husband of course.) No drugs, no needles, no "magic pills" none of it. I am going to eat cleaner than I ever have before, practice yoga as much as is humanly possible, and we are going make this baby the old fashioned way. Hey, if the girls on 16 and Pregnant can do it why can't I?

I realize that I may be completely delusional but I have never been one to shy away from a challenge so why start now? My hope is that we can be one of those people down the road who joke about our little foray into the infertility world and how crazy it was that in the end we didn't even need medical intervention. If that doesn't work than we will always have another go with some new embryos in July.

Bottom line, I will have another baby.

I can't thank all of you enough for your calls, emails, and comments. Yesterday was really tough and knowing that I had so many amazing friends and family members in my corner really made things much more bearable. I would also like to thank my girls who took me out to a fabulous dinner and plied me with a significant amount of red wine. Really is there anything that some good conversation and one bottle  two bottles of red wine can't cure? Yeah, I didn't think so.


16 comments:

Kriss said...

As someone who hasn't ever been able to get pregnant (12+ years of trying and counting, with and without fertlity intervention) I'm so sorry. I am a huge believer than food does play a huge part in our bodies functioning properly though. I PCOS and have never had ontime cycles. I usually have to have provera to induce a cycle or the pill. I started eating roasted green pumpkin seeds (I get them green at the farmers market and roast them myself), wheat germ, flax seed, and lots of fruits/veggies at every meal. I stay away from soy as much as I can because of the estrogen possibilities. I also started taking choline and inositol. Choline is supposed to be better than folic acid for preventing neural tube defects. It's found in things like eggs and wheat germ. Inositol they are finding helps with ovulation. Anyway, I stopped the pill in December in one last ditch effort to conceive (I have three adopted children) and imagine my surprise when I have a 44, 29, 36 day cycles! For someone who has to have provera to induce periods this is HUGE!! So that is why I believe food is a huge factor in conceiving!!! I wish you the best!!! -kriss

LouBoo said...

Hi - I am so so sorry...it seemed like this time luck might be on your side. Such a wretched process. I would say though - as I am sure everyone is offering advice - that your attitude is great. Whether its delusional or not (and I think NOT) taking control of the situation and getting healthy has got to be a good idea. And maybe some reflexology? Everyone has a story to tell, but it worked for my friend. Look after yourself and just maybe by July things will have picked up. LB x

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your IVF didn't work.
I commented a while back to you about my single embryo transfer IVF (I'm also from MA and have 4 year old twins- we want just one more baby), but it's been a while since I was on here. My first IVF failed (one embryo) and my second IVF worked (also one embryo). Much to our surprise and excitement, our single embryo split into two and I found myself expecting identical twins. Talk about a roller coaster. I carried them to 11 weeks, and I lost them. They both passed away in utero. We are currently in the "waiting game" to try again with our frozen embryos. The waiting is awful and feels like the worst thing ever... however I discovered that the heartbreak of loss is even worse than the waiting. IVF and infertility is such an unpredictable, emotional ride.

I just thought I'd tell you how sorry I am and how much I can identify with your IF struggle. You seem to have a great attitude about things... and you're right- you WILL have another baby. Keep that positive attitude. Take care.

The Missus said...

I agree with Kriss... What you eat very much plays a role in how your body works. I think you should absolutely try naturally. A baby will come into your life again. Just keep the faith and keep trying. I am. personally (based on experience), not a fan of fertility treatments. Your body can heal itself. I think good things are coming your way, because you intend to continue to live your life.

April Elizabeth said...

words cant say how sorry i am for your dissapointment, but u an so inspired by your attitude. A baby will come through nature, drugs, IVF, or adoption but you are too good of a mom and too positive and hopeful for this not to happen.

Relax, eat well, exercise and enjoy yourself. A baby will come.

Mummy said...

Hugs! Just don't think about it and enjoy your holiday and come back and of course it will happen for you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to read this news. Good luck next round. I am starting stims in a few weeks (round 3 for me after 1 miscarriage and 1 ectopic). Not for nuthin' but my RE says absolutely no flying during the first 12 weeks, so you might want to ask your doc about the Costa Rica plans before you book/rebook.

Joey said...

Just stopped in to tell you that I was 44 years old when I found out that my second IVF worked! I had a son through IUI 2.5 years previous and then NOTHING! 11 rounds of fertility/IUI and 1 IVF and when I finally gave up, my husband convinced me to try ONE MORE TIME. Brooke is now 8. Hang in there. The waiting is torturous, I know. Horrible - you feel like your life is on complete hold. But it will happen - one way or another!!

http://catchjoyasitfliesby.blogspot.com

aka Joey

Sasha said...

It sucks that this did not work and I am really sorry. But your attitude is awesome. Hang in there. I really believe that your attitude will get you where you want to be.

Lindy said...

I just happened onto your blog and this post spoke to me. I have had one child (super easy, said I wanted to get pregnant and then was pregnant) and now? Nothing works. We've decided not to go the fertility route either.

Good luck to you!

Polly said...

Thinking of you Yum. xx

Mama J said...

BIG hugs. Thinking of you and love your attitude.

D said...

Be honest....you just want to get knocked up again so you can get the Birkin as a push present, right?

Kikiie said...

So many of my husband's IVF patients have gotten pregnant naturally either after they have had an IVF baby and didn't think they could get pregnant again or when they were taking a break from IVF. These are of course the unexplained infertility patients. My advice, which I know is obvious and hard to do, is forget about the baby thing for 6 months and see what happens.
I'll keep my fingers crossed xx

Julie Q said...

Awwwww I'm so sorry to hear about this speed bump. Thinking great thoughts for you, and at least you are still super young so there's no question that you are going to have another baby (I still predict twinsies) Hugs hugs and more hugs from over here. This just means we needs to squeeze in some mimosa filled brunches before we get preggers :)

ThatGirl39 said...

So sorry Yum that it didn't work out - I really did feel for you when I read your twitter post. But you have exactly the right attitude - being positive and relaxed is so important in the baby making game. Wishing you tons of luck and I know it'll happen for you! xx

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