A Horror Story.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

You guessed it. It really was that bad.
I mean awful. Here is the play by play.

  • 4:20- We get to airport and smoothly check in. We make it to the gate with more than enough time to spare.
  • 5:15- We are having an impromptu picnic at the gate with a Starbucks fruit cup and Cheerios. Smiles all around.
  • 5:30- We are on board reading books, watching cartoons in the back of the seat.
  • 6:30- We split a turkey sandwich, get in are jammies and have a big bottle. Time for night night right? Wrong!
  • 7:00- 20 minutes of screaming. Blood curling screaming. Red faced, OMG I can't believe this is my child screaming.
  • 7:01- Projectile vomit. Everywhere. 10 ounces of bottle up. Turkey sandwich up. Fruit cup and Cheerios, you get the picture.
  • 7:10- Quite the scene. Me tearing apart the car seat and cleaning vomit from every corner of the airplane with some paper towels and antibacterial wipes. Liam being held naked by angel/mother of a 3 year old who is thanking god she is not me. Man sitting next to me having disappeared into thin air to a "special" no baby seat.
  • 7:30- Liam changed back into his clothes, and having another bottle. Screaming has subsided.
  • 8:00- Crying again. Man in front of me comments on what I horrible mother I am to subject my child to such torture. Me biting my tongue so not to get arrested after I verbally and physically assault the asshole who clearly does not have children.
  • 9:00- Still crying, both of us. Luckily his is not that loud.
  • 9:30- He finally passes out.
  • 9:31- Push call button and ask attendant to sit with sleeping child while I "pee."
  • 9:32- Lock bathroom door. Sit on seat and cry. Loudly.
  • 9:36- Back to seat = order strong drink.
  • 10:00- Drink in hand watch the Hills.
  • 10:30- Holy shit he's awake and crying. Pick him up and hold him like a baby.
  • 10:31- He's out again.
  • 11:30- We land, he wakes up smiling. Begins to smile and clap and flirt with everyone around. I continue to give stink eye to the asshole in the row in front of me.
  • 1am- Arrive home. Liam is smiling and acting like nothing ever happened.
  • 2am- We are both passed out. Me trying to forget the horror that had just taken place.
  • 7am- Liam wakes up, smiling. Damn these kids are resilient I think to myself.
I think traveling with an infant is like labor. It really really really sucks, and a week later it is a distant memory. The only difference? In a week we have to do this all over again. On a red eye.

I'm going to need a Valium and a big bottle of vodka for that one.


The Missus said...

Oh my God!!! You poor thing! You are not a bad mother. Babies have a mind of their own. Bad karma on the jerk who said you were a bad mum.

Anonymous said...

OMG YM. I can't believe you survived.

My hero in life is my grandfather Sol who survived the Warsaw ghetto and Aushwitz concentration camp. He passed away 3 years ago and I still think about him everyday.

I'm sure if he was still alive he would have identified with what you went through.

I'm sooooo happy you made it and you and the little man are safe and sound!!!!!

Yummy Mummy said...

Dear Sir,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. That must have been a very difficult time for you. As you can see from my post in no way comparing my journey to that of a holocaust survivor. in fact, I believe I was comparing it to that of a person traveling with kids. Perhaps you have not realized that this blog is for entertainment purposes. If you are looking for a blog that is more serious in nature might I suggest the huffington post?


Anonymous said...

I read Huffington regularly. I'm glad to hear that you recommend it as well. Might I also recommend Politico as well.

I do like your blog as well. I know you weren't comparing your journey to my grandfather's surviving, but I stand by my assertion that he would have identified with your journey. And might I add, judging from the look of your toosh in that photo with the little man, I think he would have like you too:)

Katee said...

OMG what a freak (anonymous).

Legally Brunette said...

I feel for you, YM. =( If Liam was my kid I might have let him kick the seat of the bad man sitting in front of you!

Sorry you and poor Liam had to go through all of that - I wonder if he had ear issues from the cabin pressure? I think there are special earplugs made for kids who are flying. Glad to see you are now enjoying the beautiful SoCal beaches and weather!

notSupermum said...

OMG what a trip to make with a small child! You have my sympathy, you really do. I once travelled to Austria with my husband and 10 month old daughter. She screamed from the moment the place took off until it landed 2 long, tortuous hours later. I also think it was the cabin pressure - perhaps you could get something for your little man before the return journey? Good luck.

Anonymous said...

OMG How funny! I can't thank you enough for the wonderful read. I felt as if I were sitting right there with you. Believe it or not, I miss those times. My girls are now 14 and 17 and how I wish for the days of screaming babies and cleaning vomit. Enjoy your days YM! I envy you.

Mother in Canada who voted for the classic IvyBridge and yes, it's too cold here!

Anonymous said...

I voted for the Littlemore.