What's mine is mine? Not in this house.

Monday, October 20, 2008

It's officially over. Yep, Madonna and Guy are not so surprisingly officially splitsville. Now the gloves are off and it looks as though Guy is going to walk away with 60 million. Given that Madge is worth about a half a billion, I'm thinking she will be OK. After putting up with the material girl for 8 years he may need a vacation.

This story coupled with some nasty comments that I got on the YM blog this weekend has me thinking about how money is divided amongst couples. Actually obsessing a bit. Everyone does it differently. In our house the philosophy has always been. What's mine is yours and vice versa. In fact, long before we were engaged and strictly living in sin, my husband and I have always combined our finances. I was in law school and he was a poorly paid resident and it was pretty easy to divide the next to nothing that we have always made until last year. Now that we are better off the same holds true. My husband has a job he loves. A job he would do for 10 dollars or 10 million dollars. We are fortunate enough that it provides a lifestyle that allows us to save and spend in a way that we have never been able to in the past. Maybe this is why comments, like the one from Anonymous really get to me. Just like with Madge and Guy the gloves are off here too.

I am sorry to say I erased Mr. Anonymous' comment (I was a bit ticked off at the time.) I do not believe in censorship as he pointed out; I'm just not a fan of criticism from someone who is too cowardly to leave their name when they are openly judging me. Now I'm wishing I had taken the time to reply. Luckily it is my blog so Mr. Anonymous here is what I should have said to you.
Thank you for thinking that I am some pampered house wife who is working my husband to the bone while I do nothing but shop us into the poor house. After reading your post my husband also thanks you for looking out for him. However, we have decided not to take your opinion of us or our marriage to heart. I'm sorry that it bothers you do much that I am able to afford nice things, and that my husband is happy to provide said things to me. He assures me that a sweater here and there is not going to keep our son from going to college and we will not be foreclosing on our house any time soon. 

I am particularly impressed with your modern views that because my husband makes the money then it is his money. I guess since I raise the children they are then mine, and only mine. I know it is very hard for my loving husband to go to a job he loves from 7-5, 5 days a week. When he comes home he has his favorite vegetarian meal in the oven, his dry cleaning hung in the closet, his clothes clean and folded in his drawers, not to mention his spotless and organized home. The fridge is not only stocked with all of his organic favorites, but also his favorite beer. His bills are paid, and his savings is secure. His son home and happy, fed, waiting with open arms to go to the park for an hour with his mommy and daddy. I can only imagine how frustrating it can be then to know that his wife, god forbid, bought something that day. Something that we would have previously been discussed, and agreed upon, because Mr. Anonymous there are no secrets about spending in this marriage. No hidden credit cards. We agree on a set amount that I can spend for the month, and I do not exceed that amount. It's called a healthy marriage, and sensible financial planning Mr. Anonymous. Something that may be foreign to you.

We truly thank you for taking the time to compare me to a trophy wife who simply married their husband for their money. But we assure you Mr. Anonymous, in the seven years we have been together, money hasn't been a part of it. The years we spent in a 300 sq ft apartment driving our hand me down car are not lost on us. We are proud to be where we are at. Yes, while my husband makes the money, he does it with the support of his wife. A wife he is proud to be able to buy nice things for. If  he ever does get frustrated I'm sure he can find comfort in his newly tricked out carbon fiber bike, his 4 surfboards, 2 snowboards, his paddle board, or during one of the surf trips that he takes by himself while I am home with his son. Spending in our home is a two way street. And is never done before the savings is in tact. So Mr. Anonymous I think we will be just fine. But again I truly thank you for your interest and I'm so glad you are my number one fan.



8 comments :

The Missus said...

YOU TELL HIM GIRL!!!!

Nothing chaps my hide more than when people leave nasty comments on my blog (also as "Anonymous") saying that I am nothing more than chirpy bird who is materialistic and shallow simply because I live in the South End and blog a lot about shopping.

Yummy Mummy said...

I really needed to hear that. Thank you, thank you!

that girl ? said...

Well Said YM! I know what you mean about being ticked off about deleting it - it hasn't happened to me yet but I know that the time will come and when it does Im not sure if I would publish or banish to cyber space!
The thing with money is (no matter how you make it), it provokes people in ways that show their true colours! Obviously Mr Anon should have called himself Mr Jealous With A Stick Up His Butt! What business is it of his anyway?!
We too suffer the same fate from certain family members would you believe? My husband got himself an education and then studied for a further seven years to be an Actuary which brings him a good salary. After paying off my own debts from a useless ex, I built a career, worked hard and bought my own apartment. This I sold when we were married and cos he'd already bought this house at a time when the market was good, we are now comfortable and can treat ourselves sometimes. Its just 3 beds and we have decided not to move so we can have a good life with our girl. Said family members were practically spitting when we took a trip to NY this year - they forgot that its taken me 39 years to get there, via my own choices and the fact that I'd just been made redundant from my job of 15.5 years that I dearly loved and happened to give me good pay out! (You see Im on a true rant in your honour!)

Keep being Yummy, writing about what the hell you want and shopping when the hell you want! Perhaps Mr Anon needs to stop wasting his time complaining on others blogs and do something useful?!
Lots of xo xo's

p.s. any spelling mistakes are caused by me fuming on your behalf as I type!!

Yummy Mummy said...

That Girl, I love having you in my corner! You tell them to kiss your arse (to coin a phrase from you!) You are totally right! It feels so good to know others are on my side and are going through the same thing. Now you guys just need to Boston so we can show them how it's really done! Remember we are only 4 hours from NYC, so no need to wait another 39 years!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxox
ym

Anonymous said...

Excuse me "that girl" but have you taken a moment to ask yourself how your husband would have reacted if he came home and found you in bed with the babysitter. "Judge Not Lest Thee be Judged"

Yummy Mummy said...

Clearly this is an universal issue. Check out That Girl's blog for a lesson from the judge.

http://thatgirl-39andcounting.blogspot.com/

xoxo
ym

Katee said...

NICE - you go girl!!

that girl ? said...

Oh dear Anon..clearly you are on a crusade here though I'm not sure it's all about? From the baby sitter comment I presume you have been wronged in a past life perhaps?
If you are referring to my baby sitter however then you're a little off there as that would be a family member so I think my husband would have reacted rather badly!
Having read your subsequent comments on YM's later posts, I think it's time you worked out out your issues elsewhere.