Dear Equinox.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Our one year anniversary is just around the corner and at this point for our relationship to progress I feel as though there are some things that we need to discuss.
  1. Parking. I realize that you are a downtown city gym. This is the main reason why I chose you as my gym. In the summer I have no problem walking to you or taking the T, but as the leaves begin to turn the little man and I prefer to drive. Novel concept I know. I do appreciate your five dollar 3 hour parking. Really I do. However, don't you think you should have mentioned that if you exceed that 3 hour limit (even by one minute as I did) that you then have to pay full price? I would really like to thank you for that 28 dollar cup of coffee. Also would it be so difficult in your five story garage to create a "gym parking only" section? There is nothing that I love more than being 10 minutes late for yoga because I was driving in circles looking for parking. 
  2. Security. I realize that you are situated below a very "important" investment company, with very "important" people who work there, but when my baby and I enter the building do you really have to look at me like I am a terrorist and my little man is a nuclear bomb. We have been coming to you for 11 months no less than three days a week, you know me, you know my son. Would it really hurt you to smile or say hello when you are programing the elevator for my floor? I promise we don't bite. Well I don't and the little man is strapped down. Given you are 6'5" and 250 lbs I think you will be OK.
  3. Speed. I have yet to have the same person to check me in at the front desk. I can only imagine the turnover in this profession. Might I offer a suggestion? When you are training these new employees maybe you should teach them that sometimes people are in a hurry to get to class. Especially the frantic ones holding 25lb babies. Maybe the flirting or talking on the phone can be put on hold for just one second so I could get my kid's club pass, validation, and be on my way? Again, just a thought.
  4. Kid's Club. Speaking of the kid's club, this is the reason I joined your gym. Might you consider disconnecting the Internet to the computers that are supposed to be for the older children. If I wanted my son to watch someone check their email all day I would just keep him up during his naps and he could watch me. Yes he can play by himself, but just a little more interaction please?
  5. Posers. OK, I realize that your gym is a bit of a meat market and that this is where the "pretty" people go to mingle, but isn't their any way to force the people to work out? Today in Yoga there was a girl. Dressed to the nine's in full makeup, and the perfect Lululemon outfit. She had her own designer Yoga mat and matching bag. Oh, and she was positioned dead center in the front row. Damn I thought she must be a pro. Not so much. Listen, I am the last person to Yoga judge, I am about as flexible as a yard stick. I have been practicing for 7 years and I still can't touch my toes (this is why they make blocks and straps I say) given this I do not sit front row center. So I was watching yoga twit. Not only was it obvious that this was her first class, but she didn't even listen. How am I supposed to breathe during my triangle when Yoga twit is falling on the floor after attempting reverse warrior. Here is a suggestion. If you watch the instructor rather than the guy next to me maybe you would be able to keep up. That reminds me, guy next to me. Can you not look at my ass the entire class? I agree that it is a nice looking tush but it really breaks my concentration constantly having to turn away from you. Maybe next time you should focus on Yoga twit, clearly the only reason you come to this class is to stare at the ladies.

Look, we are not breaking up and on our one year anniversary when my contract expires I will not be leaving you. You and your boot camp are the ones who gave me my best body ever 16 weeks after baby and for that I will be forever grateful. I just think we need to work our way through these things, because baby you are not the only catch in town. LA fitness keeps knocking at my door and one day I may have to answer. I heard that this is where Matthew McCanoughey works out when he is in town. Let me tell you if there is anyone who I want checking out my tush, it's him!


The Missus said...


I work out at Equinox too.. The morning team there is usually much more efficient than the typical daytime crowd.

Though, I imagine it would be hard to get there before 8am with the little guy.

that girl ? said...

Never mind Equinox's failings - I am in awe that you get to the gym with littl'un in tow! I feel proud if I fit in a hasty walk with her firmly strapped in the Bugaboo - which takes some doing these days! She's almost too big for it!
And as for the staff arsing about when they should be serving customers... nice to see that this issue is a universal pain in the butt!
p.s. If you ever get MM checking out your tush then make sure you tell it here first!

Yummy Mummy said...

If MM ever checked out my tush believe me you would hear it hear every day for the next 80 years! Sometimes twice a day!


Yummy Mummy said...

8am, that would be like getting the big dig completed on time, and on budget! Yep, virtually impossible!

ps I hear you may be going to the povo event on tues, Hope to see you there! I'll be with Legally Brunette.

The Dotterel said...

Sounds like a soap (or a sit-com). Who's writing it?!

Anonymous said...

Too funny!
Love your post. Look forward to it every evening.
The Trench? The suspense is killing me? I feel like I've been left hanging like the season finale of a TV show. It's not a dream, is it?

Yummy Mummy said...

Let's write it!

Anonymous said...

Yoga twit? How funny. You know of course, there's a Pilate's twit and a twit in every other class I've ever taken. That's why my home gym sits downstairs in my basement where currently, my summer clothes are hanging. Kudos to you for going honey!

Canada Mom

Anonymous said...

Summer we in sight while working out is a great idea!

Katee "e-polishblog" said...

Seriously, you need to talk to the manager and get a refund for your parking. To be charged $28 bucks for going over one minute is absurd. I would ask for a refund and not take no for an answer.

Yummy Mummy said...

I was actually so peeved that I have disputed the charge with my credit card company. I was basically held hostage until I paid up. I doubt I'll win but it is a ton of work for the garage company and a lot of hassle. That for me may be worth the money!


Katee "e-polishblog" said...

Oh good YM! Glad to hear that.