The other night the Husband and I went up to the neighbors for a few drinks after the little man went to bed. Somewhere around beer number 3 I mistakenly mentioned that lately I have been aching for three kids. Yes, three kids. I don't know why but I just can't stop thinking that we HAVE to have that third baby. What I got was the same reaction that I have been getting every time I drop this little nugget of information; a reaction of shear and utter terror.
OK, OK I realize we don't even have two kids yet, and blah blah I will probably change my mind, and yes three kids are a serious lifestyle change, and the expense considering private school and college is astronomical, yada yada yada. These are all of the arguments that the Husband always counters with whenever I mention that presumptive "third" baby. The thing is I expect this sort of reaction from him given our former two kids policy, what I have not expected is the reaction that you get from others when I mention wanting a full(er) house.
What reaction you ask? It's first "gasp," then comes "what about the little man don't you care about him?" Followed by "well you would HAVE to move to the suburbs so say goodbye to city life, " and then lastly "oh don't worry you will change your mind once you have two anyway." It really feels like the same reaction that I would imagine I would get if I were saying that we were trying to have octuplets when we already had 6 kids (don't even get me started on that madness.)
Yes, some of these things may be correct. But come on, I'm talking only talking about 3 kids here. I am a full time stay at home mom. I am 29 years old, and we have the financial means to comfortably have and raise two more babies. OK, so we may be a little tight in our three bedroom condo, and yes there would be slightly less attention for each baby, and sure eventually we may have to move one mile over to Brookline a neighboring town which has a kick ass public school, but for me those negatives would be outweighed by the fact that we would have one more amazing little person in our lives. For me the trade off would be well worth it (again recognizing that having two may send me to the nut house and I will look back at this post and think like some of you that I was clearly putting the cart before the horse.)
The reason that I mention all this is one, because it's my blog, and two because the New York Times just ran this article discussing this very issue. They focus on people who want more than three kids (not for me, but who am I to judge) but the reaction from people seems to be the same. I sometimes wonder if the whole aversion from the three kids possibly lies with the company that we keep. We are city dwellers and most of are friends are the same. I wonder if we lived in the suburbs or the country if this would even be an issue. Maybe there you are considered a circus freak if you happen to mention that you want five or six kids. Who knows?
In the end I'm sure we will have as many kids as suits our lifestyle and that is more likely to be two than it is to be more. I just can't help thinking that at some point I'm going to miss that little baby smell and wish that we would have thrown caution to the wind and gone for the full house. Hopefully if that does happen we will still have friends who are willing to be seen with us in public. Ah, well if not maybe the Jolie-Pitts will have us over for dinner.
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15 comments :
This is hilarious. I used to fantasize about a house full o' kiddos, but what's stopping me is thinking about our future of air travel. More than two and we probably wouldn't make it back to the states very often.
I think three kids is a perfectly fine number! My Mum had 4, and my paternal grandmother had 13. (My Dad is the oldest.) Three is definitely not too many... I would recommend you space them out a little, though.
Over here, we've had press articles deriding those of us who choose to have any children!
Aww I want 3 kids too! My hubs wants 4, but that's only because he doesn't want there to be a middle child, plus he expects them to be all boys so they can play sports together :)
I told him we'll see how the first one goes.. someday!
I have three and it rocks! I wouldn't change it for anything. It tok 6 months of me crying every night for my husband to finally agree to the third but he absolutely adores her.
I can't imagine handling one, two OR three, but I was one of three and loved it. The addition of my sister (born ten years after me and six years after my brother) really completed our family and ensured many more years of baby time, kid time, and teenager time for all of us. I think my brother and I were so enriched by the addition and were less spoiled and less competitive with each other as a result. Hmm..this has inspired a post of my own, so stay tuned!
I can't imagine handling one, two OR three, but I was one of three and loved it. The addition of my sister (born ten years after me and six years after my brother) really completed our family and ensured many more years of baby time, kid time, and teenager time for all of us. I think my brother and I were so enriched by the addition and were less spoiled and less competitive with each other as a result. Hmm..this has inspired a post of my own, so stay tuned!
I think you should have the number of kids that is right for your family and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise can bugger off! We get slammed for choosing to only have one as you may have seen on the blog before! It's such a personal thing and if finances allow and you are great parents (which you are!) then bring some more mini YM's into the world! You should read the article I've linked to my blog today - talk about raised my hackles!! xx
I can't beleive anyone would have an opinion on that! That really astounds me! 3 is a great number......I'm one of three (the middle child) and I'm so grateful my little brother eventually came along. You do what ever feels right for you guys, and whatever number you choose will be perfect xxx
dont listen. i was one of 3 and i have NO complaints. My dad was one of 12 and his parents were great parents to all 12 kids. Most people have what they can handle.
I think this is should be entirely your own decision. And nobody should have the right to blame you for that. I stopped after two because my second pregnancy was a nightmare and I had another caesarian section. I don't mind the children just I didn't like being pregnant! I've heard on the radio the other day someone commenting that everybody who's got more than 2 children is selfish and does not care about the environment...So absurd!!! Don't we live in a free world? No, not everywhere I know. Wish you the best luck with child n.1, 2, 3 etc. Ciao. A.
I want four! But I was the oldest of 3 and loved it. You can have can as many as you like :) its your choice, whatever makes you and the hubs happy!
I am only child and my husband was youngest of 4. Neither of us were that interested in kids, but conceded in order to pacify my mother who nagged and hounded us for 8 long yrs. We had our son and i lobbied for model #2 (a girl). no regrets. in fact i appreciate mom's persistence.
I nannied for three amazing kids in college and think that three is a great number (i was a total luxury by the way - the parents were and still are very involved with their kids. i wasnt a replacement by any stretch of the imagination!)! i'm not 100% sure whether i want to have kids, but if my fiancee and i decide to then i want 3 or 4. i'm one of 2. we're 7 years apart, so it's more like 2 only children. you guys have to do what's right for you though.
bri
my mum had 3. We all went to boston public schools and we were fine. im in law school. the middle is a harvard grad and the third is in college now.
you seem like a great mom i bet you can make public school work for you, which makes the whole expense thing a little (very little) more reasonable.
being from 3 is/was fun you can almost always gang up on someone, when you arent being ganged up on.
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