Damn You Google.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Again I am not pregnant. Ugh. This whole non-pregnancy thing is really starting to wear on me. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe something is wrong. I mean I have already been able to get pregnant twice, on the first try, so why not now? It's been 5 months of "trying" and still nada. As in nada, zilch, zero. 

Since everyone I've ever meet seems to be getting pregnant at the drop of the hat, I can't help but wonder why not me? The only thing that I can think is that maybe there was some screw up that occurred during or after the D&E that I had in September. You know me, if I think it then in my head it must be true.

 Before I called my doctor in a panic I decided to google "difficulty conceiving after D&E." I can hear all of you out in blogland screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOO at me, but I did it, it's done, and OMG I am now completely freaking out. Of course every search result that came up not only confirmed my greatest fears but of course created a thousand new ones. *

After about 15 minutes of obsessive "surfing" I called my OB in a panic and I was able to get an appointment for Monday. I then called the husband who 1) told me he was going to disconnect my Internet if I don't stop googling this kind of stuff, 2) the worst case scenario is that there is some scar tissue creating a blockage which can easily be removed, and 3) that he loved me.

I finally tore myself away from the countless horror stories of infertility and loss when the battery on my computed ran out (a sign from above?). After a massive squeeze of the little man I decided that there is nothing I can do until Monday and I poured myself an extra large glass of wine. I woke up today in a completely different mindset and I am now looking forward to my appointment Monday. At least I should have some answers.  If there is a blockage than that would explain why nothing is working. If there isn't than I know that there is nothing we can do but keep trying. Either way I will be able to get rid of this nagging in my head. 

I also have learned my lesson about the Internet. Most of the heath related information out there really is the "worst case scenario" type of stuff. I just need to remember that just because this information is so readily available out there doesn't make it any more statistically likely to happen to me. For now I'll be waiting to hear from my real "in person" doctor what the actual situation is. 

Damn you Google. 

* I really should have learned my lesson the last time I googled "immunizations and fevers" when the little man spiked a fever after his MMR shot. Do not under any circumstances type this into your queue, you will just have to trust me on this one.


Kim said...

The bottom line is that your internet health surfing (been there!) got you to make an appointment with you OB about something that has been bothering you...which is a very good thing! I think that getting some medical advice on the issue, even if it's just reassurance, will be a big stress-reliever. And that can't hurt when trying to conceive, right? BTW, I love your blog and have been reading for a while now! Best wishes, Kim

lunarossa said...

Chuck the computer! Well, not, actually, or we wouldn't be able to read your blogging anymore! Just don't take seriously all what you find on the Net. You've been pregnant before so I'm sure you can get pregnant again. I think all this stress won't help you at all. I'm not sure if I've already told you about my cousin who tried to get pregnant for years and when she was almost hopeless and decided to start IVF she finally got pregnant (twice within 18 month!!!). Relax and don't worry too much. All the best. Ciao. Antonella

Jo said...

A dr's visit's a good call to set your mind at ease. But you know you can get preg and carry to term. Don't get too frantic. The prob with pregnancy: it's the one thing that still can't be entirely controlled. In today's age of get-it-now, that's tough to accept. Pregnancy is still this roulette wheel. You happened to hit two times in a row which is cool but also lucky. Keep playing and you'll hit again.

As for the internet, it magnifies obscure occurences. It's poisonous reading be we all turn to it!

Legally Brunette said...

Aww..I love it when husbands know just the right thing to say. I will send you good thoughts on Monday, and keep my fingers crossed that you have baby making time in Hawaii!

emily said...

ugh, i know how frustrating that can be. if it's any comfort, a good friend of mine had two healthy babies and then 3 miscarriages before she finally had her 3rd child. crazy, and it doesnt make much sense, but sometimes these things happen. i'll be sending very fertile thoughts your way ;)

Yummy Mummy said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. I know I am pretty insane at this time, but it's just so hard to not be consumed by it. I really don't know how women do this for years. I have a newfound respect for all of them. I totally appreciate the stories that ended up with happy endings, it really balances out all the bad ones I read. I appreciate all of your support and your comments always brighten my day.