Friday, February 4, 2011

My new favorite word: Normal. 

Yes, we finally heard late last night from my doctor and the FISH results came back normal. No Down's, no trisomy 13, 18, no spina bifida. Nothing. This was a HUGE relief and to be honest I am only having time to process it now. I got the call a few minutes before pickup at the LM's school, and after an excruciating 10 minutes on hold we got the great news (while I was locked in the director's office with the little man banging on the door.) She said the results are clear, and even though we have to wait for the final amnio results, we can cross these concerns off our list.

But (why is there always a but?)

When we went in for the amnio they did a fetal survey. Usually this is done after 18 weeks, but since we were there they took all of Gray's measurements. At the time we were told the legs measured average. Now it turns out that one (I believe) femur is measuring short. They also saw a VSD, which is a tiny hole in the heart, and is pretty common. Usually, it closes up in it's own, or surgery is needed to close it, but it is in no way a major concern. What is a concern is that they found both of these. What it means is one of three possibilities:

  1. The test was done too early or there was error on the technicians part. By 18 weeks the femur could be just fine. 
  2. They are two totally and separate issues, and the heart could close and the leg is something that we will have to wait and see on, or 
  3. It is indicative of a bigger problem. These are, surprisingly, signs for Down's Syndrome (which makes me even more confident in the choice to get the amnio) but could also be a sign of something else unknown that no testing will uncover until birth. 

We are obviously hoping for 1, or 2, but we will also be meeting with a Geneticist to see what else we could be looking at. This whole thing has been such a roller coaster, but the bottom line is yesterday we received amazing news.

A lot of you are curious about what we were planning to do if the test came back positive. We got this question from our friends and family as well, and the fact is that I really tried not to think about that at all this week. Making that decision would have been the most difficult of my life, and I figured that there was no need to decide anything until we had all the answers, which is why we opted for the amnio. Before we had children my husband and I always had said that we would likely not have the baby, but of course after all we had been through with the infertility, feeling the baby, knowing the sex, having had a child, etc.. makes things feel much different than when you are talking about some theoretical situation. Since Friday we haven't really discussed what we would plan on doing, but rather focused all of our energy on the LM and wishing with all of our might that everything would turn out okay.

Which it pretty much has.

I appreciate all of your calls, emails, comments, and well wishes. I completely understand the questioning of what our decision would be (after all I share almost everything else here) and I'm so unbelievably happy that we don't have to make that decision. I especially want to thank those of you who have been through something similar, who emailed me their stories, and offered you hand while navigating through this. Hearing from you made me feel like I was not alone, and I promise to respond to you all soon. I cannot thank you enough for your kindness, and it just solidifies for me why I share my life on this blog, because so many of you are willing to open up and show the true kindness of strangers.

This has been the longest week ever, and hopefully soon we will have answers as to what else could be going on. I am going in for another sneak peek today, in hopes that the measurements were off, but I plan on spending the weekend reconnecting with my boys, the ones in utero and out.

It really does feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. Here I thought waiting on the bar results would  have be the longest wait of my life....


LouBoo said...

So pleased for you...such good news to get. On the other hand I understand your confusion/worry about whether there is another problem that still lays undiagnosed so to speak. It's so hard isn't it? The more tests you have the higher the possibility of spotting something that could turn out to be nothing. To think in our parent's generation you maybe would have one scan, probably not even that. I hope it all turns out OK and the bottom line is you got the news you wanted so that's great. Lou x

madebymum said...

what a relief, you can breath now.

The Missus said...

Everything will be fine. The test was probably done too early to make the assessment on some things. Gray will be born healthy and happy.

Elizabeth said...

I'm glad you've gotten good news so far. There are two reasons I have never had amnio test...
1. It wouldn't change a thing about me deciding to keep the baby
2. The tests cause so much worry when most of the time it turns out to be nothing.
Try not to worry about these had the test done much earlier than usual so these issues are probably often times resolved by the time the test is usually preformed.

I do want to say thank you for your honest answer of "We don't know what we would have done but are glad we don't have to decide." I also want to say that as a mother I think you know that you love that little baby with all your heart already and wouldn't have been able to take it's life because of a test result.

Yes, it does bother me when a child is aborted due to being "different" or ill, I won't lie. Every life is worth just as much as the other. It affects me even more so since my 5 year old son was diagnosed with cancer last month and we are now fighting for his life. While cancer is not a "defect" seen in an amnio test before birth, those little babies with defects are worth just as much as those without. I fight for my son's life right now because he has an illness, while other parents choose to take their babies lives because they have one.

I will step off my soapbox now...I wish you and your wee babe the best of health.

Nina said...

Elizabeth you sound like a person truly deserving of the role of motherhood.

Babies, human lives, are not accessories. They are not something you add to your collection of fabulousness. When and if they turn out not to be the perfect fabulous accessory you wanted, a real mother doesn't turn her back on that young person. A real mother doesn't question whether they would abort it or not, just because "a hot and fab mommy doesn't have a down's baby in the picture."

Anonymous said...

What a relief to finally receive the test results. I hope your scan goes well today.

My niece was born with a VSD and she is a completely happy and healthy 15 month old she. She goes to Children's from time to time for check-ups with a pediatric cardiologist but it has in no way affected her health or abilities.

Thinking more positive thoughts for you and the bean!